I decided to see what the symptoms of depression are and it wasn't a happy find:
- difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions (Yep)
- fatigue and decreased energy (Yep)
- feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness (Yep)
- feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism (Yep)
- insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping (Yep)
- irritability, restlessness (Yep)
- loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable (Yep)
- overeating or appetite loss (Yep)
- persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment (Nope)
- persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings (Yep)
- thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts (Definately not)
The reason I'm posting all of this hear is because I'm not real comfortable talking about this with my family. Which really doesn't make sense I suppose, but I guess I don't like admitting my weaknesses to them?
Anyway, I want to change, I want to be happier, but I'm just not sure what to do. Everything seems so hard right now. I think the part of the problem is that I really want to move out of my parent's house and start taking care of myself (and my kids) on my own. But, my parent's are really against the idea. I understand where they are coming from, because my past is not a pleasant one and I've made a lot of bad choices in the past. But, that was 5 years ago, and I'd like to think I've changed. It's hard for me to make this decision when the ones I love the most are against me. I feel like I'm incapable of doing anything right.
I know that the best possible solution to all of this would be to start reading my bible, praying, eating right, and exercising; I just don't want to.
10 comments:
*huge hugs*
Hmmm, I dont know what to tell you really... Just know that this is just a season and it will pass. Surround yourself with positive people and you will get thru it!
*hugs* I've been there. It takes time, & sometimes a visit to the Dr. to get snapped out of a funk.
Returning to Live with your parents after being on your own is always hard, 5 years with my parents was all I could take.
You may not want to but sometimes you have to force your self to.
Get dressed for the weather & go for a walk today, I dont mean a 5 k marathon. Take a leisurly stroll, look at the flowers opening, smell the fresh cut grass.
Or do a maitence/spa day or evening,(this is easier than you may think, Shave, Pluck, Moisturize, Paint toes etc) Change the sheets on the bed, Have a cuppa your favorite tea,(prefferably de caff) & try for a good nights sleep.
Remember Tomorrow is fresh with no Mistakes in it.
I'm so sorry.
The only thing I can offer is to try setting a very small goal to start with. Maybe you could try to read 1 chapter of your bible each day? You could also add in 5 minutes of exercise a day- maybe walking to get the mail or to the end of the block and back? Then spend 5 minutes a day on something to care for the kids- maybe going through their backpacks?
Make some easy, very achievable goals to help get your confidence back and then let those grow.
I don't know if this will help or not but it might be worth a shot. :-)
I know that you wish to be on your own, but there is nothing wrong with living with two people (who are also there for your children) who love and truly care for you. It makes sense to have the kids in this safe and nurturing environment. You just have to do what you know is right even though you don't want to or don't feel like it. It might annoy you that I said it like that but that's the way I see it. You don't have to be perfect or make it to your goals right away, but any ounce of action you put towards your goals is like gold. You just have to keep building on them whether you feel like it or not. Then you will start to feel better.
Darling, you're GOT to find someone to talk to. Whether it's your priest or maybe an exercise group, whatever!There are plenty of places out there. PLEASE go find someone to talk to. You have to get these feelings off your chest and not just to us..out in the great big void of the Internet. Hell, if I could call you I would! This isn't just about your diet and not feeling like exercising. Don't you realize that if you feel good mentally, the rest will fall into place??? Please darling...talk to someone. Also, it's Spring time, go outside, play with your kids. Find the joy in the Spring flowers and all the wonderful foods at the Farmers Market. Find the joy. ; )
Avie: Thank you :D I know it will pass, it just sucks to go through! LOL Actually, I’ve been a lot better since I wrote this post, I think I needed to just write down how I was feeling.
Tia: You’re right, I do need to take better care of myself, thanks! “Tomorrow is fresh with no mistakes in it.” Isn’t that from a book or a movie? It sounds so familiar. (haha just remembered – Anne of Green Gables – one of my favorite movies!) Thanks for the reminders.
Becky: Thank you for the tips! I know I need to set some small goals. I always set impossible goals and when I can’t meet them I give up.
Amie: What you said is right –my parents really do care and love my kids. The plan to move out has not been a quick decision. I really didn’t think I was ready to before. But, now I feel like I’m ready to give it a shot – my life seems so stagnate, I thought we could use a change.
Arm70: I know what you’re saying, but just making this post helped a lot. It helped me to sort out what I was feeling and where I was wrong. Sometimes to understand things, I need to write out what I’m thinking; it helps to organize my thoughts. I’m already starting to feel better and have a few project ideas to get me going.
This is going to sound weird, but yesterday I finished my psychology class and it really seemed to improve my mood. I think I was so frustrated with how things went that it was really bringing me down. Combine that with the issues with my parents, my Grandpa dying, and being told twice in 24 hours that if I lost weight I’d find a husband! No wonder I was feeling a little down. :D
Thank you everyone for the encouragement! *hugs*
Now - time to get the kids outside!
I love your blog and I'm so sorry you are feeling depression. Take a look at my blog if you want to, I started it for ADD/autism and it's worked it's way into a lot of other things. I used to get terrible depression.
http://gotpetroleum.blogspot.com/
I agree with what Becky said. Set small goals -- that always helps me. Celebrate the small stuff. 150 is a huge number, and that can be very daunting. You've already lost 12 pounds, which is fantastic. I vote you celebrate every 10 -- heck, every 5! Why not?
Keep your head up. You'll get there!
just wanted to share this with you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxR9P80vt3g&feature=channel_page
Dana: Wow your site is an eye opener! I'm wondering if I should look into the Feingold stuff for my daughter. Is it really hard to follow though?
Kat: Every 5 sounds good to me! LOL I just have to figure out what I'll treat myself too.. hmmm...
Berose: Thanks for the link! That was an awesome video; why am I complaining? ;)
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